you know your a mom when...

you no longer dream of hours in a bath with a book, just 10 minutes in the shower without an audience

your version of swear words are stinky bunny, for crying out loud, and funky monkey

you calmly count to 10 when your hubby walks in, steps over the trash bag, past the folded laundry, pats the kids on the head as they do their homework, and asks why dinner isnt ready

your daughter watches you dress and wants to know why you are allowed to draw lines on your tummy but she got sent to her room for drawing a smiley face on hers

your day of rest includes making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for 5, breaking up 3 fights, 4 loads of laundry, 18 tattle telling incidents, 1 spilled milk glass ( that was supposed to not tip), and 3 showers of sticky little bodies

the difference between boys and girls

K is a tomboy. She likes tools, blocks, climbing trees, and wears dresses on Sundays when her mother threatens her life. Now because K understands that she is not like other girls every so often she tells me she wishes she were a boy. I carefully explain that God made her special and that she is exactly who God made her to be and that stops the questions for a little while.

Last Sunday we are on our way home from church and K is in the back seat and all of the sudden tells me that she is a boy. "No your not, your a girl" says A snottily and the argument continues Looney Tunes style of, no I'm not, Yes you are and on and on they go. I interrupt thinking that this is a good time to explain the difference in boys and girls. I talk about how J is a boy because he has a penis and K and A are girls because they have vagina and then ask if they understand. Both girls look at me and nod their little heads and I am quietly patting myself on the back when I hear K's little voice saying "I wish I had a penis"

If you don't laugh you'll cry

School Days

Well school has begun here in Hawaii and we are three weeks into the new year. K and A were so excited to start and new year. K is thrilled that as a first grader she can walk to class all by herself. A is thrilled to finally be in school with K cause that means she is as big as her sister. ( a story for another day).

The girls have only been in school for 3 weeks now and I am not sure their teachers will make it the whole year. K had a good first day and came home excited about her new class and loving her math lessons. I met with her teacher and we talked about how K was doing and what i needed to help her with and then thought everything was good. Silly mama. We had parent orientation last week and her teacher pulls me aside with this apologetic look and shows me K's journal. Its empty. Every morning the kids are supposed to come into class, hang up their bags and put their homework in the basket, then sit down and write in their journals. The teacher doesn't check these all the time and the kids are being trusted to finish a page and then turn it in. Only problem is K has been lying to her teacher and telling her she had finished. Oh man, seriously couldn't this have waited until junior high. I dont know which was worse, that K was lying about her schoolwork, or my embarrassment at being the parent of the first grader lying about her schoolwork.

If you don't laugh you'll cry

An apology to my parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am sorry. I am sorry for all the times i rolled my eyes at you, stomped my foot, yelled, or ignored your request. I am sorry for the clothes on the floor, the toothpaste all over the counter, the water splashing everywhere except the tub. I am sorry for the notes home from my teachers, the snotty comments that got me written up, and making my teacher cry. I am sorry for teasing my sister just to entertain myself, knocking down my brothers just to make them cry, and waking everyone up at 4am just to have someone to play with.

Now will you please lift the curse of "just wait till you have children of your own". I would really appreciate it.

Love,

your daughter

A rose by any other name...

I love how kids think, how they process the information around them, how they come to the conclusions that they do. Like the time A was so upset about me telling a friend on the phone that J was turning into a monster. She was certain that he was physically changing and wouldn't go into his room the next morning for fear of what she might find.

K's kindergarten teacher pulled me aside last Friday to discuss why, in all the paperwork and meetings, we had never told her about the divorce. Pan to my shocked face as I am racking my brain to figure out what in the world K could have meant. I stood there in shock as her teacher informed me that K was telling her classmates that she really wanted to go see her old mom and dad but her new mom wouldn't even let her call them on the phone, and it hit me.

K has been referring to my parents, her grandparents, as her old mom and dad because thats what I call them. I am so glad that her teacher has a sense of humor or that could have been bad. Oh man what will she think of next.

If you don't laugh, you'll cry.

matching is all relative, right?

I love that my girls are growing up. I love that they can wake up, get their glasses, eat their breakfast, brush their teeth, and get dressed in the morning with minimal supervision from me. The other side of that coin though is that they pick out their own clothes for school now. K is pretty predictable on what she will choose, shorts and t-shirts, for my tomboy. A on the other hand, well you see the picture right? She has her own style and is very vocal about it.

Just in case your wondering the whole outfit does match. She has one white sock and one purple sock but they both have purple beads on them. The white squares on her plaid shorts match the white sock, and the purple heart shirt matches the beads.

I would like to have a shirt that say "She dressed herself"

If you don't laugh, you'll cry.

having patience

Its coming. The kids know its coming. Easter is almost here. I love Easter, the church services, the dresses, the food, and the kids hunting eggs all make for a great day. The kids love it too and I really do understand that waiting for the day to get here when your 4 and 5 is as close to torture as it gets. Now since i really do remember being young and how hard the waiting is I don't mind having the kids talk about it and make their plans and ask the endless questions that come along with it. Will we buy shoes? Can I paint eggs? Will daddy hide them in the yard again? When can we eat the candy we find? Can I eat Josh's candy? He is still a baby.

Last night though, as we are driving home from bible study at 8:30 at night, I just wanted some quiet time. The girls were told it was time to stop asking questions, start relaxing and getting ready to sleep. "but mom!!" says A, " Who will hide the eggs" A no more, we will talk about it tomorrow. "Mom" says K, "will i get more eggs than A?" Thats enough says the mom, no more talking at all till we get home. K-"Knock, knock mom, we are talking about Easter! HELLOO!"

Can you hear my head explode from there?

If you don't laugh, you'll cry.

how much is postage to alaska

Every so often in this house, (ok like every week it seems) I am challenged by my children. Not challenged by smarts or cleaning or cooking even. This is a Knock down, drag out, yes i can make you obey, and yes I am the MOM and i am in charge kind of challenge.

I know it sounds bad to some of you but this house is not a democracy, it is a monarchy. And when you stage a coo it becomes a dictatorship. And this dictator has come out to play. It starts pretty small usually, refusing to answer me, not picking things up when asked, giving me lip when they do finally answer me. I know its coming, I start getting ready for it. I know that one or the other or sometimes both are going to pick a thing and take a stand. Yesterday it was both.

K and A have both just been bullies lately, to each other, Josh, even to their best friends. I am willing to over look alot of things but intentionally hurting others isn't one of them. I understand the power trip behind it but I don't get the actually doing it. I hate being mean (despite what my children think) and would love just to play nice and have a fun time together but tonight that isn't going to happen.

After yesterdays fights and power struggles I was done. The punishment for bulling the next day were they go straight to bed. No dinner, no story, no nothing. K didnt believe me. It's 4:37 and she is in her pj's and down for the night.

If you dont laugh, you'll cry

attitudes

Attitudes-you hear that word and you kinda cringe. You know that that word is almost never a based on anything positive and you are just waiting for a bomb to hit you. Attitudes-should almost be a swear word for mothers, you know the kind, like crap or damn it. Not one of the biggies that get you stared at in public because you just muttered it under your breath as your child, once again, has decided to become a human pinball as you walk down the crowded aisle. I should feel better as I mumble it to myself. I should feel release that I have at least named the monster in the closet. I should feel joy that the dead elephant in the living room has been identified.

But I'm not. I feel as though I am battling the attitudes in this house on a daily basis. Sometimes they are little ones such as not saying please or thank you, picking up your dirty clothes. and my personal favorite "but why mom". Other times they are huge attitudes, hitting me or dad, being disrespectful to a teacher or babysitter, the knock down drag out fight over the fact that YES I AM THE MOM and sometimes that is enough.

I wonder what I am to do with tonight though? K is still sick, still coughing so hard, and still needs to be with me out here not only to make sure that she is OK through the night but so that her sister can sleep. Once again it seems like such a small thing to me but A is truly upset. She truly believes that she is being intentionally separated from the group and is beginning to resent that fact. The attitude is not so much that she wants the attention but that she wants to know that she is loved just as much as K and that I prove it.
So again I have to ask, what do we do now? Hubby had a wonderful plan though. I love his plans. A gets a daddy date all by herself on Saturday. K doesn't get to come because she is sick. Just A and Daddy going to lunch and the store to look at the toys. It takes so little to change these attitudes sometimes.

Attitudes-big, little, or honest, like everything else in life, are real and I have to choose how to handle them without developing an attitude of my own.

If you don't laugh, you'll cry

cough, cough

So its 10 pm and i am writing this as i wait for K to fall asleep on the couch. Poor baby is sick and has a cough so i though she would do better propped up tonight. She is doing better and hopefully tomorrow will be headed back to school. (please Lord let her go back to school) Admit it moms you all whisper that same prayer.

Now this isn't really a big thing in my eyes but in A's eyes its huge. She has been so upset these past few days that K is sick and she isn't. K gets the Gatorade while A has to drink regular juice. K gets medicine and A doesn't. My children are weird and actually like taking the stuff. K got to stay home from school and A had to go to preschool and play with her best friend and flirt with her teacher. So on and so forth till eternity.

A has even taken it so far as to try her hardest to convince me that the thermometer is wrong and she really does have a fever and cough ( which you can hear the fakeness all the way over there can't you?) and desperately needs that medicine. Cough, cough. Oh brother.

What do you do with that? I'm not about to give her medicine she doesn't need, (though she might nap better), but No No, sorry I digress. She doesn't need the medicine but wants the attention of being sick.

So I pull out the cough drops and chicken soup and everyone has a sick bed in the living room and we have a pj's and movie day at our house. Does A win the drama war? i don't think so. I mean you like being the center of the world so why shouldn't my 4 year old?

If you don't laugh, you'll cry

if you dont laugh, you'll cry

Those are famous words from some very powerful people, most recently my mother and grandmother, as i would call to tell them of one more way that these three children of mine have given me a new grey hair for the day. They were right. I always have two choices when it comes to raising these monster, oh i mean children, and its laugh or cry. I can choose to cry and have everything turn into these huge dramatic moments in life, or i can choose to laugh and go on with the rest of the day and wait for what ever other trouble they choose to participate in.

For the most part i choose to laugh for a couple of reason, one I don't really like the drama, two I have better ways to spend my day, and three they can sense fear.

K is my oldest and is what we call a hurricane. Not so much destructive as just never still, always whirling from idea to idea or plan to plan. When she comes to me with that look in her eye I know its going to be doozy. A is the middle child and has not taken to that role with any kind of grace. She spent the first few months of her little brothers life ignoring him and you by association if he happened to be in your arms. J is the youngest and the only boy. Yes you should be praying for him. I don't know exactly what he will be like yet cause he is still pretty young but I think that when he holds his breath when he is angry its not a good sign. Even worse is that he was doing when he was two days old in the NICU after being born 5 weeks early. Not a good sign.

In an effort to be totally honest, I have some pretty sweet, kind hearted kids and I do love them to death. It just is often the choice of laugh or cry and I hope, that like me, you'll choose laughter too.