Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Money, Money, Money

Its a love/hate relationship. I love to have money, I love to spend money, I hate doing the budget and balancing the checking account to our Quicken records. Now I don't hate the math, I don't hate the time it takes, I hate how incredible inept and stupid I feel as I do it and see how badly I have blown it yet again this month.

With hubby being on a deploying boat we sat down and talked it through. We decided that I should take over out finances and budgeting since he would be gone alot. 6 months ago he carefully explained it all. When the money comes in, what bills are due when, what needs to go into savings, the whole 9 yards. We spent hours going over the budget spread sheet deciphering the columns and doing the math. It was a painfully agonizing experience, and humbling as well.

I am a fairly intelligent person, I can manage a household of 5, 3 different school schedules, a dog. I can plan cross country moves that go so smoothly no one knows how much work they really take. I am capable of, on short notice, planning and directing large group activities for small children and grown ups alike. I can keep a house clean, laundry done, and homework finished on schedule. So why can't I do the budget?

Why has it every single month, for the past 6 months, been a complete and utter failure? Why does it hurt me every time I fail at it? I actually want to cry and it doesn't matter what else I have accomplished and done well that month because this one thing was a complete fail. I feel beat down and fairly worthless because I cannot be the helpmate my husband needs on this one stupid thing.

I feel as I am a disappointment to him, and to us, when I fail at this. It matters so much to him to keep our checking account balanced and to build our savings and I have let him down each and every time. The worst part is, I don't know why I can't seem to do this. And it breaks my heart cause I so desperately want to do this well.

If you don't laugh, you'll cry. And for once, I can't seem to laugh

1 comment:

  1. Maybe try taking out cash for your "fun money' and try automating all other things? Most banks offer automatic bill pay services and automatic transfers into savings each month. We use 2 different banks, so it's challenging here too, but we use instead of Quicken. Works pretty well to track everything and sends bill-due reminders to my cell phone. I also write do dates and pay dates on a calendar so that I have a monthly view. The spreadsheet system sounds REALLY complicated!