Tuesday, January 17, 2012

parenting or negotiating with terrorist.....you decide

Ummm, we seem to have a situation on our hands. The children have rebelled and and its gotten ugly here in this place.

Now I know they have been through a lot this month. I truly understand that hubby and I have turned their worlds upside down, inside out, and sideways and they have done a marvelous job with handling all of that. I applude their confidence, their ease with change, their ability to trust. I praise their understanding of hubbys job and what it requires from us as a family, I really truly do.

On the other hand, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!
We have been bombarded with every bad attitude, snotty voice, wild hurricane, and distructive thought they have ever had in the past 48 hours. J has decided that he can do NOTHING on his own, A's voice has raised 59 octives so its at a pitch even the dog has trouble understanding as she whines, but my favorite tonight was K.

Oh boy howdy, that child! Tonight after dinner K got to take a bubble bath in our giant tub, put on her new Cars 2 pjs, and came downstairs to pack up her backpack (new) with her (new) school supplies. After we carefully did that she went in the kitchen and saw that we (I) had opened a bag of candy that she wanted. "Can I have this" she asks. "No K, its almost bedtime" her father answers. "I was asking mom" (snotty voice where you can hear the 'duh') is K's reply. "K, you may not have that candy" dad answers again and she actually rolls her eyes at him.
My first thought is, well maybe I dont want to admit to that one. What mom then does is send her to bed. Done, complete, game over, you lose.

As I am sitting at the table thinking of what I am going to say to her when I go upstairs to have our come to Jesus talk I am truly baffled by this first showing of open defience by K. She has mouthed off to ME before, talked back to ME, even risked her very life by telling ME 'duh' before but this with daddy is new.

Now you may be thinking that since K was disrespectful to daddy then he should be the one having a conversation with her, not mom, but I don't agree.

I believe that our daughters learn how to be respectful of their future husbands by watching their parents relationship. She will learn much more about me as a wife simply by watching me then any thing I tell her as a teen and young adult.

I am also a firm believer that Hubby is MINE. He is my best friend, my home, my safe spot in a world of chaos and I will not allow my children to be disrespectful to someone I cherish beyond all else. So when K is rude and mean and ugly to my best friend and I do nothing to challenge that, what is she learning? K will learn that friends don't stand up for each other. She will learn that husbands and wives don't defend each other. She will learn that she can divide us by simply using her words. K needs to understand that he is MY husband and because I love him, I will not allow anyone, including and especially her, to talk to him that way.

Now when I went up to speak with her we talked about the 'why' behind her being in bed early and this is what it comes down to. When K told her daddy that she was only asking me, she was telling him he didn't matter. When K rolled her eyes at him she was telling him that she did not love him enough to be respectful. Now those are some really harsh realities for my 7 year old but they are also some very important lessons that she needs to understand. They are lessons that will affect all her future relationships, both friendships and dating, and I am hoping to help her get them right now when the consequences are so small. Daddy went up to talk with her too and K has made this right. I am hoping that next time she will stop and think about what her words and actions mean before they hurt someone who might not be so quick to forgive.

If you don't laugh, you'll cry.

1 comment:

  1. I like you're "we are a team" approach. My parents took a similar approach (and it worked). If I mouthed off to my mom, my dad would have the talk with me. I never tried to mouth off to my dad. I value my life too much! lol